i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
