im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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