I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
