Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
