This girl is more easily done than said...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
