i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
