I'm gonna have a badass scar
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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