We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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