Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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