So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
