Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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