I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
