just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
