I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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