In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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