There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
