R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
