I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
