Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
