I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
