I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
