they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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