so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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