Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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