If i come over, it means nothing
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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