Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
