dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
