I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
