I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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