i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
