I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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