Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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