look no pants
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
