they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
