So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
