just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't put those talents on a resume
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
