I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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