Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
