so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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