Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
