The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
