Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
