You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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