you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
