My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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