I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
