I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
