Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
