I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
