all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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