I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
