We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
BRING THE BAGELS
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
