in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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