Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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