My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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