apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
