I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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