Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
