So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
