I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
