But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
