so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
