i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
