You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
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Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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