It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
