now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
