i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
