question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
