Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
