How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
